Brain dump!

Here are some things that have flitted through my mind as we settle in to our new home, in no particular order and with no particular eloquence!

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We're getting the hang of living in a gated community. Indoor gates that is, which are a necessity when you live in what might be the split-level capitol of the world. Some days it feels like the gates are almost more hazardous to the rest of us than the stairs are to the boys. I really enjoy having some extra indoor space, but as expected, I am completely incapable of keeping up with any sort of neatness. So happy that we don't have to "show" our house any more and so thrilled to be renting and ignoring the housing market.

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The boys are getting more fun all the time. I declared the other day that they might actually be more fun (51%) than work (49%) for the first time. John begged to differ, and said that instead of 99% work they might now only be 90% work. To all the naysayers that said just wait until they crawl (or walk), I LOVE that they can get where they want, and eat almost all table food, and are starting to sleep through the night together.

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It was odd to send John off to work after a long summer together. Just when I was feeling comfortable fending through each day with 4 kids and learning my way around the grocery stores, it was my turn to start work. And then a few more days, and Abby was off to school. Unfortunately there is more to life than mastering grocery shopping! Every week seems to remind me that there is yet another challenge to face. But at least we didn't all start back to work/school at once...

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On making new friends... I was remembering the other day that most of my Champaign friendships were formed and deepened out of desperation -I need a substitute sitter for work tonight, I just had a baby, I have to run a twin to the hospital. The thought of encountering emergencies like that when we know no one is daunting. But then I remember, well, that's when I may make my best friends! (Side note: If only for me, be nice to those desperate people you meet!) Less painful friend-finding option for the busy parents - take the twins out. Everyone talks to you.

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Hills. I love them, love running up and down them. John, not so much. I guess that's my hilly CA upbringing and his flatland IL upbringing coming out. I hate them for taking the kids on walks though. It's a series of mini-heart attacks as they go coasting down on their scooters. Bikes I won't even allow. So for now, we have to commute for bike rides.

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Well, that's it for today... Hello to all our "old" friends and family out there!

Two quick quotes

"If you can't be content with what you have, you'll never be content with what you want." (author unknown)

That one stopped me, because there is plenty that I want.

Completely unrelated, this is one that my sister passed along to me last month - "All things in moderation, even moderation." Learned this morning that that was from Julia Child. I guess being a middle of the road people pleaser isn't always the best. Gotta let loose and live a little sometimes! (Which is what sisters are good for bringing out of you, I guess.)

Love you Danielle! The twins are two and a half months old now!

It's now or never... (or is it really?)

I've had so many thoughts that I've wanted to quickly type up this month - those two great books* I finished, a pic of me at 28 weeks pregnant (now I'm 30...), back to school thoughts, health care. Inspiration came, went, and now it's not going to happen. And the recurring items on my to-do list like go to farmers' market, put together that scrapbook, vacuum the floor. Yeah, those haven't gotten done week after week either.

So does it really matter if my list of not-done-yets is exponentially long? What can wait, and what do I really need to make happen?

The "now or never" mandatory list is maybe a lot shorter than I think. Family, kids, life changes, crises tend to remind me of that.

Maybe only two times do I need to treat life with that NOW mentality: 1) deadlines and 2) inspiration.

Deadlines. Birthday parties for little girls in August. Gotta happen. Doctor appointments for unborn babies and flu shots for the rest of us. Gotta happen. Job applications for John and a few last work appointments and grading for me. Gotta happen. Chill time with my family and friends before eating/pooping/fussing/sleeping twins arrive. The days are dwindling. When my to-do list is mostly actual deadlines, it often shortens and always gets done.

Inspiration. And then between all those must-do deadlines come the must-notice inspirations. Not every inspiration is critical, but a lot of them are. If the thought is really that important, then quick, write it down. Capture it in scribbled sentence fragments, if not a well-polished blog :). Or if the autumn sun is shining, drop all the house "duties" and take the kids to the park. Ditto when both he and I find ourselves musing life on the couch. (Forget the dishes.) And away from home, stay and chat a while with a new friend on the playground after school, or run back into the grocery store to leave my number (and offer of baby clothes) with the checker who is pregnant too and has seen me through two pregnancies now. Many opportunities like these (especially the people ones) might never come again.

So, dear busy to-do-list-making-self, let the deadlines of you and those who are counting on you float to the top. Leave lots of room for flexibility when inspiration strikes. And if it's not one of those two, maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. No big deal, it's only sometimes "now or never".

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*oh, and to add to your non-deadline-but-possibly-inspiring-list-of-things-to-do, here are a couple of the great books that I never got around to blogging about: "The spirit catches you and you fall down" by Anne Fadiman and "Father Michael's lottery - A story of Africa" by Johan Steyn. Cross-cultural medicine in America, and international medicine in Africa. Not exactly at the topics in the health care debates these days, but very challenging to think about. Yeah, the protruding belly (aka naps) has been giving me a little extra time to read!

Checking in...

It's been a couple of weeks since I've had the inspiration (or time?) to post, but here are a few things that have popped up this week. I taught my last class of the semester last night, with just a final to go, so I'm looking forward to a few weeks of less craziness before summer school! For today, here goes a book, some hobbies, a quote, and the benefits of being sick.

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I devoured the book "The Color of Water" by James McBride this week. A couple of friends had recommended it, I finally requested it from the library. Took me three days to read (a post-kids record for a novel?) - and if you haven't read it since it was published years ago, it's really good. Blacks/whites/Jews in the north and south during the 30s to the present - all wrapped up in one family's amazing story. Good stuff.

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My usual top hobby is all things food - but some stomach issues for me and the fam have put that on hold temporarily. (I never realized how much time and interest food absorbs for me until I've stepped away for a bit. I mean, I'm still eating, but no cooking magazines or fancy meals!)

In spite of the busy-ness around here, I've resorted to other projects, especially ones that I can do from start to finish. A good friend who was chronically behind on most things would amaze me by dropping everything and making huge quantities of Christmas gifts or something of the sort. I marveled that she could leave so many other things un-done, to which she wisely said (more or less) - "well, if I waited until everything that had to get done got done, I'd never do anything interesting/fun/generous!" Maybe I'm just beginning to get that idea.

So, in the last few weeks, I've sewed three skirts for Abby, just about completely planted our home garden and this massive park district plot that we rented (yikes!), and I'm almost done caning my first dining room chair. Feels good actually. As for the Hamburger Helper dinners, crumbs on the floor and delays on clean clothes, let's just say that I have a patient family!

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An interesting quote came my way yesterday - “Some minds remain open long enough for the truth not only to enter but to pass on through by way of a ready exit without pausing anywhere along the route.”—Sister Elizabeth Kenny, Australian nurse

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Last but not least, as we've battled various blah sick days around here lately, I've been struck by the great things that feeling rotten can drive you too. Just having one person sick kind of puts everyone on hold around here - which is a nuisance, yet at the same time a blessing, because you sort of have a free pass from usual responsibilities except for keeping everyone - especially the sick one - happy. Around here that means all sitting and watching TV together, easy meals, pajamas all day. All together. Not too horrible.

For me in particular, at my best sick moments, I feel much more desperate than usual, and act accordingly. Curled on the couch, I gather my little girls to my arms to hug me and pray with me for better health and a better attitude. It seems to me that those are some of our most intimate and real moments of talking to God together.

Tying the knot

Today, I have not nearly enough money to save (love paying bills!), I am too ignorant to make good PowerPoint graphs for work tomorrow, I am less than perfect as a mother, I am wishing for summer. Not really at the end of my rope, but imagining that it is nearby. In the midst of all that, I read this quote in a daily email from a colleague. I found it just realistic and practical enough to bring me a much needed smile...

“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”—Franklin D. Roosevelt

Somethin' for nothin'

I've just been reading a book that a friend gave me about reading out loud to your kids (The Read-Aloud Handbook). It's actually much more interesting than I thought it would be. One of the big ideas it gives is that reading out loud is one of the single best educational things you can do for your kids - and it's FREE!

Which got me to thinking, what else is free? Many of life's best things are free for the giving and taking, I realized as I thought about it...

So what can you get or give, no cash required?

Hugs and kisses. Don't underestimate either one.

Time reading (may include cuddling with the kids). Free books from the library on the side. OK, but you do have to pay property taxes for the books.

Fresh air, serenity, and beauty in the great outdoors. Even in winter, it's somehow refreshing.

Time with a friend. Hopefully some laughter included.

A good shoulder or foot rub. Makes my day every time.

Prayer. Shout outs of happiness or complaint to the One up there are free of charge.

Play! Look around you, preferably with a kid in tow, and you will discover that any mundane item around the house, yard, or thin air, plus imagination, can become almost anything.

Have a great day, and don't spend too much!

5 random thoughts

Wish I had some cute, catchy title, but, alas... It's been an interesting week here, including 2 extra days tacked onto our 3 day weekend when we set record low temps (Thursday was a low of -14F and a HIGH of -1F. Youch!). Anyhow, here are a few things I've been thinking about this week, in no particular order.

1. Blueberries. It is finally summer in Chile! Hooray! And how do I know, and why do I care? Blueberries on sale for 90 cents a container and grapes for $1.28. We are eating like kings, queens, and princesses in the middle of winter. Speaking of princess, even I played dress up this week - old church dresses and little girls can be a lot of fun!
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2. Snow is good. In spite of the wretched cold that prevented us from getting outside, I am grateful this week that it snowed (covering ugly brown everything) the day before the cold snap hit. And there was just enough time to get the roads cleared ahead of the deep freeze. So we can still drive safely!
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3. Flickering, worn out faith. Thinking about faith is hard on the brain sometimes. What on earth am I supposed to think, say, do? How do I live my faith when I feel confused? I found encouragement this week as I read these things though - "Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest... Let me teach you because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" Mt. 11:28-30 And when I feel horribly useless, like the person with the dimmest faith and usefulness for Jesus, I read - "He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle." Mt. 12:20 Wherever YOU are at in your spiritual journey, I hope that gives you heart as it does to me that even a flicker is worth a lot.
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4. Forget the bathing suit. Need inspiration for your New Year's health plan? Or just January blues? Found in one of my favorite magazines, Cooking Light, I found words that describe what keeps me excited about exercise. "The most successful exercisers fall into the kinesthetic category. We've found a primary motivator for those who exercise regularly is that they feel better, because it's something they can perceive readily and from which they derive immediate reinforcement." Never mind worrying about summer, be active for that pick-me-up today!
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5. Iran. Finally, interesting reading by my bed this week (month?!) - "The Ayatollah Begs to Differ" by Hooman Majd - kind of a modern history of Iran. I learned that Iran is almost completely Shia Islam (as opposed to Sunni). They are the more liberal branch, Sunni is the more literalist. (I'm reminded that Christianity isn't the only religion with fairly deep philosophical variety.) Shiites believe that their 12th Imam will return at Armageddon someday, with none other than Jesus Christ at his side. And the wearing of chadors (burqas) has come and gone over the years. Around the 30s, it was not allowed. Wearing it was rebellion. During the Islamic Revolution in the 70s, many women were actually glad to wear them again after years of being forbidden to exercise their right to modesty. Interesting perspective!

And so I will spend the rest of my day: eating blueberries, shivering, not too despairing about the flickering candle of my faith, happy from working out this morning, and learning about the axis of evil.

Weakness: a window to strength

Last week was Abby's first parent-teacher conference. My one question for her teacher was how my shy daughter was adjusting to the social complexities of kindergarten. "Well," her teacher replied, "she has grown a lot over the past few months. Just today, we read a book about a shy bug, and I asked the kids - who knows what "shy" means? Abby raised her hand, and gave an excellent definition." Defining our own weaknesses is pretty easy to do.

Later, I was talking with John about Abby, and he made an interesting observation - she is a girl of deep caring emotions, and can easily have her feelings hurt. She guards herself carefully to avoid being hurt. However, she also shows remarkable kindness and tenderness to other kids, babies, and her little sister. The tender heart that makes her struggle with shyness is also one of her greatest strengths.

John is a great teacher, gives incredibly clear talks at his professional conferences, and sends easy to read emails. He is a good communicator - and he has become that way because he isn't so good at being super-animated, entertaining, or flashy when he speaks.

As for me, one weakness I always struggle with is insecurity, wondering what others might think of me. When someone shares a word of encouragement, it really lifts me for days. As a result, I try to make an effort to share encouraging words with others - my family, an old friend, the cashier at the grocery store. Lately, I've been seeing that sharing encouragment is one of my strengths.

So next time you're wondering what you are really good at, pause to think about what one of your weaknesses is. Our weakness is often a window to a strength.

Another slant on this - I'm reminded of this comment from Paul, whose vision problems humbled him and showed him that ultimate strength can come only from God.

"'My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.' Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, adn with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size - abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become." 2 Cor. 12:9

On my mind today

Every opportunity lost makes room for many more opportunities gained.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. (that one I saw around town)

Love is a journey, not a destination. (that's my own twist!)

Give thanks.

Have those been true for you too?