...to go a little crazy!
For as much as 10 months out of the year, I mostly love my stay-at-home mom mixed with college teacher lifestyle. But, let me tell you, it's not all as glamorous as you might think.
Every March, I get a nifty little paper in my mailbox at work asking what I would like to teach during the summer and the fall. It sends me into a tailspin of planning, worrying, dreaming. As if I know what will be going on around my family in December!! On top of that, us part-time teachers don't find out what we're teaching in August until, say, the week before school starts. Every year. So why I must be pressured to decide now, I don't know.
You'd be surprised how many things come into play for this decision every single year. John laughs at me because I agonize over the same variables, every single year. What do I have time for? What classes are available? Who will watch the kids, or get them to school? Will we still be able to afford health insurance? Will the taxes or time outweigh the benefits? Will we have another baby or not? Add onto that all that we are starting to plan and save towards John graduating in a year or so. I make a giant spreadsheet full of dollars, hours, classes, weighing each of a half-dozen options. March 2006. March 2007. March 2008. March 2009.xls is in full force.
March also happens to be the time of year that I'm mid-semester and trying to keep my students motivated. It's warming up outside, and I am attempting to be outside as much as possible, yet not get too worried that the fence needs to be painted and the siding power-washed. Summer vacation plans are shaping up (for those six glorious weeks I'm not teaching), and so googlemaps.com and ReserveAmerica.com (camping) are absorbing lots of online minutes.
It's a perfect storm.
So here I am ranting to myself. Why? 1) Just so you know the grass isn't really greener over here. 2) With so much going on, I wish I had more time to write. 20 minutes carved out today, finally. 3) At our house, uncertainty is complicated by the fact that is seems to give rise to dreams and possibilities. Good and bad, I guess.
As I pray for peace in the craziness, while still moving forward, two thoughts come to mind this week. Maybe you'll connect with them too, when your little world goes through jumbled crazy seasons.
"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7
"A person is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." (from the green tea cap of the editor of Shape magazine)
I'll write again during the next 20 minute lull between spring storms!