Saturday, March 28, 2009

Dis/content - more thoughts

I've been wrapping my thoughts around the things in my last post - dis/content - for months probably. Since I wrote about it the other day, I've been trying to articulate them, piece them together. The more I think about it, the more optimistic I feel, actually. In jumbled order, here's what I'm thinking...

From John - Be content, but not apathetic. Too often, we confuse contentment with indifferent stagnation. To be content is to be satisfied, but not emotion-less or ambition-less.
content - satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.
apathetic - having or showing little or no emotion, not interested or concerned; indifferent or unresponsive

I have a dream. Actually, had one a few nights ago. I was facilitating a parenting class (?!) and this is what I told the parents. "Expect less of yourself, and more of your kids." Later when I was awake, "expect more of God" added on to that. Dad alluded to this thought in his comment - I need to make my expectations realistic, considering where I'm at in life, with little kids and a fledgling career.

Don't forget that I might be already realizing some of my dreams and ambitions - today! Dina wrote about this a while ago too. My dreams from a few years ago were to have a strong marriage, to be a mom, to excite my chemistry students about learning, to get to know my neighbors. I'm actually do all those, and pretty well! And more than any of my write a book or save the world dreams, I first and foremost want to live in love with John until death parts us. I don't want to let tomorrow's dreams cloud the fact that I'm living many dreams today, and it takes a lot of work and ambition to do the wife, mom, teacher thing.

Maybe just "being" today is preparing me, or someone else, for living those dreams. If I were to write a book someday, or teach teachers, the years of experience now are imperative. I don't really have much to say yet. I can begin to live my ambitions without even leaving today's usual work/play. I might even discover that my dreams change as I am just being. Or maybe I'm not the one meant to realize the dreams anyway. Maybe it's my kids, my students, my husband. By being the mom, teacher, wife today that they need, they can be the one to change the world. Don't let it be just about me...

The balance is still plenty foggy to me. But maybe I'm onto a content path to ambition. Or an ambitious path to contentment.

1 comment:

Don said...

Internal value conflicts are often the most difficult to resolve, but you've managed to arrive at a new and improved worldview.

If one of the names of God is, "I am becoming all my people need," is it any wonder that as His creation, we to are becoming?

We are living yesterday's dreams and goals, while inquisitively surmising the twists and turns in the path ahead.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

Goals, the desires of our heart, these can be distilled, but the patient chemist waits, watches, observes, then concludes... to start again, to discover...