Risk, marriage, and Phil Mickelson

This week, I read a little article about Phil Mickelson (the golfer) and his family in the literary bastion Parade magazine that comes in the weekly paper. It was surprisingly touching. He's notoriously good at golf, but also notoriously willing to take risks on the golf course. Ironically, one of the most willing-to-risk-it guys in pro golf has one of the more stable off-course lives, with the same caddy, manager, and wife in the 20 years since college. As the author of the story said, "Maybe Mickelson can handle that unpredictability because he's so predictable off the course." His caddy recalls a time he blew a lead to lose a tournament, "His mind set was, 'It's time to move on. I know my wife loves me, I know my kids love me, I can't wait to tee it up next time.'" And Phil himself says, "My family has reduced the effect of my career on my self-esteem. When I'm with them, they make me feel special regardless of how I play."

Maybe it's working with college students, maybe it's that all of our siblings are 20/30-something and unmarried, but I sometimes feel a bit out of it for being "tied down" in marriage for nearly 10 years, unable to easily pitch to them all why I'd actually recommend it, even at a young-ish age. This little article kind of helped me put a finger on a few of the benefits of committing forever. What if taking the plunge and getting married isn't the death of fun and freedom? What if committing for the long haul in one area actually gives you MORE freedom in lots of other areas?

What if marriage is less about the danger of assuming the risks inside marriage - can we stand each others flaws forever? can we find jobs in the same city? can we stay in love? can we forgive?

And more about emboldening us to take on more risks outside marriage because we can count on having a committed partner by our side - what if going back to grad school doesn't work out? what if the new friends don't like me? what if I regret moving? what if I get laid off? what if my service idea bombs? what if ____ goes horribly wrong?

What if marriage isn't a liability, but rather an asset to build that frees us up to take on some risky challenges and opens doors for some really great stuff?

My history channel summer

The bio(s) of the summer for me have been those of our past American presidents. In the glamorous form of a DVR'd show from History Channel, the American Presidents (can't find a good link).

Uncertain times overseas, with debatable involvement in the issues of other nations.

Families unable to make ends meet, with no safety net. Starving in the streets.

Presidents elected by big money interests. 78% of the wealth controlled by 2% of the population.

Government growing (or shrinking) too fast.

Strong moral debates on rights for minorities, children, women.

Presidents known for their infidelity and/or manipulative wives.

A country on the verge of splitting forever.

And we haven't even gotten to the 20th century guys yet! Every president thus far has intrigued me, each with their own personality, many changing for the worse or coming into their own once they became our country's leader. And it seems like at least every other president faced issues that parallel something of recent history, but worse! We seemed to be a country destined to fail over and over, destined to fall apart within the next 20 years since before 1776!

And yet we haven't yet. Seeing all the messes (much worse than today!) that we have faced and worked through leaves me oddly inspired at the end of each presidential snapshot.

To me, it speaks hope for our economy, our partisan divides, our health care, our economic disparity, our international issues, our energy crisis, our overseas competition, and whatever else is irking you. Sometimes, a look backward is more encouraging than one forward!

bio glimpse - Michael J. Fox

I've been fascinated with biographies for almost as long as I can remember.  As a girl, I read through the entire section of them at my local library, without preference for men, women, well-known, little-known.  I've been thinking about taking them up again with my kids...  Anyhow, I still love to hear people's stories, where they've come from, what they have overcome or learned.  Maybe now and then I'll write about someone that catches my attention here.

Last week, it was Michael J. Fox popping up in two places - first on a recorded episode of the Daily Show, and then in an interview in TIME.  When I was a kid, I watched just a bit of Back to the Future on VHS tapes.  When I went to college, he let the world know that he had Parkinson's disease.  Even though I wasn't a big MJF follower, it made enough splash in the news that I did a term paper on the disease at some point during college, learning enough to know that it has something to do with trembling and dopamine.  

It's been more than 10 years since that now.  I don't remember ever seeing him speak in person, so I was intrigued to catch his interview with Jon Stewart.  To see someone who has been masterfully eloquent sit with slightly awkward movements and a quivering voice - in spite of that to see him be confident, optimistic, acting not the least bit embarrassed - it was really captivating.  

In the TIME interview, a reader asked - "How do you keep your optimism in the face of difficult circumstances?"  

Fox's answer was - "I think mostly it's about acceptance.  I have no choice about whether or not I have Parkinson's.  I have nothing but choices about how I react to it [my added bold].  In those choices, there's freedom to do a lot of things in areas that I wouldn't have otherwise found myself in."

I thought that insight was profound.  Maybe it's not Parkinson's for me or you, but we don't have to look far to find moments or years of loss, frustration, or dissappointment that we wish were different, whether in the big picture or life or the little picture of today.  That those difficult moments happen is beyond my control.  My reaction is within my control.  Bitter or forgiving, angry or patient, apathetic or caring.  Making the positive choice opens opportunities instead of closing them.

Funny, it's the unexpected reactions of others that catch our attention and lift us up - like Fox's unexpected optimism (Jesus forgiving his murderers in his last moments comes to mind just now too).   Something I'll be thinking about...