Sunday, May 31, 2009

Shapin' it up this summer...

I subscribe to SHAPE magazine off and on, whenever they've got a $5/year type special going on. Mostly, I like the new workout ideas, but they also have pop culture in (very small) doses that I can handle. You know, two or three pages of beauty tips. Two or three pages of the cover celebrity's bio (the ones who have gotten fit after one, two, three kids are my absolute favorites!!). Two or three pages of fashion tips that I can almost copy and/or afford.

This month's issue came though, and provided little in the way of inspiration. I would have been disappointed, except that I found that nearly every single article had a title that could not have screamed more loudly: as for you, DO NOT try this at home!!! (if you are a sort-of-high-risk-pregnant-with-twins-mommy, that is.) The forty cent subscription was well worth the laughs I got just off the cover.

"Bikini body detox - beat belly bloat, drop pounds fast."
Doc's orders - second trimester - gain pounds fast for twins and deal with the nightly bloat. Oh yeah, and trade in the bikini for a tankini and hope it lasts at least half way through summer.

"Look 10 lbs. thinner. Instant tricks."
Dream on. Look 20 lbs. heavier by August. For the health of the babies!

"Sculpt every inch. Get flat abs, a toned butt and jiggle free arms."
Pad every inch with extra baby insulation. Kiss the abs and butt goodbye for at least a year.

"The best swimsuit for your body."
Maternity styles mysteriously omitted.

I seriously just cracked up reading these, and that was just the cover! Ahhhh, until, at last, I found the article hidden away at the bottom for pregnant girls like myself.

"PLUS! Tasty ice cream treats."
Now that's something I can do :).


sarahstew said...

Ohhhh, Joanna -- what you mean is that you will look like one of us mortals at some point late in the pregnancy ... ;) love ya!

Brent Barnett said...

Hi Jo! Found your link on Dina's blog and enjoyed catching up a bit. Wow - twins? Congrats to you and John! How exciting for you all. I can't imagine all the thoughts that raced through your head when you saw the ultrasound. Praying health and safe delivery to you. And much sleep now!

Jenn said...

sometimes getting a chuckle out of all the things that could make you cry is great! :)

eat some extra ice cream for me! :)

Don said...

Jo, There are three very pregnant teachers at my school this year. Most of them are due this summer, so they are bigger than you at this point, but when I see them... I think of you. Live large! (Hmmm... that takes on new meaning...)

ily-tmaitm, Dad

Jan said...

Swimming when you are pregnant makes you feel light and svelte because you are boyant! Get yourself a maternity suit and have fun in the sun. There are some really cute ones out there, and besides, you will look good in anything!